In 2009, I met my soulmate.
So I thought.
My new best friend.
She would never leave me.
And we have been inseparable for the better part of a decade.
But, our relationship has gotten rocky.
I’ve become extremely codependent, and she’s become a controlling bitch.
In a way, I’ve lost myself in the relationship.
Everything became about her. Not about me.
Being so dependent on her, I lost touch with who I am.
And what I care about.
And whether or not this relationship is even something I want.
Or simply something I’ve been accustomed to.
And actually addicted to, in a way.
Our relationship has started affecting my other relationships.
Giving all of my attention to her has made me neglect the people I care about.
Having her constantly on my mind has made me less present with people.
Being so concerned about her, I’ve stopped caring for myself as much.
Everything was about her. And I always had to be available if she needed me.
Being with her constantly has taken the adventure out of my life.
There’s no spontaneity.
There’s no uncertainty or fun.
Everything with her is predetermined.
Which restaurant we are going to.
What we are going to eat.
How to get there by taking this specific route.
More recently, she has been affecting my work.
I find myself not being able to focus more than a few minutes at a time.
Have I really become this dependent on her?
How could this have happened?
To the extent of not being able to focus on a task for more than a few minutes.
Even when I try to take time to myself, I still check in with her.
Why am I choosing to live like this?
How can I rediscover who I am?
How can I take care of myself more and be more present with people?
How can I increase my attention span to create deeper, more meaningful work?
To achieve my goals, my dreams?
Should I make a clean break?
At what point do you just get rid of your iPhone?